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Climate Change News: Canada Takes on Russia for Arctic Spoils
August 9, 2007
On midnight GMT December 31, 2007, Canada and Russia will face off on a hockey rink cleared from a patch of arctic snow with the North Pole at center ice. To the victor, what is believed to be 25 percent of the world’s undiscovered oil reserves and a rich cache of natural gas, minerals, and bragging rights. To the losers, nada. Access to the Arctic resources and transportation is made possible by anthropogenic climate change accelerating the melting of ice shelves and glaciers.
“We start it; we finish it,” said Russian president Vladimir Putin. We spoil for significant hockey game since Lake Placid, and, with no one standing up to bullying of internal dissent, Georgian air space, and natural gas leverage, now’s good time for land grab.”
After taking six years to formerly respond to the Arctic claim filed by Russia in 2001 in accordance with the U.N. Convention on the Law of the Sea, 1982, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper released a statement last Friday. “No way, eh. We thought they were joking until they planted a flag on the seabed beneath the Pole. But now that we know they are serious, we will take proper measures to assert our sovereignty and defend our national interests.” Having said that, Harper left for a three-day mission to survey the region. “P-p-p-p-pretty c-c-c-c-c-cold, eh,” he reported. And w-w-w-w-white. D-d-d-d-d-definitely C-c-c-canada.”
Sensing a potential outbreak of war, U.N. secretary-general Ban Ki-moon, convened a special meeting of the Security Council, which agreed to the extraordinary measure of settling the debate with a hockey game. “It’s the only logical solution. We have few Peace Keeping troops to spare, and who the heck wants to patrol vast winter wastelands indefinitely? Frankly, we don’t care who wins so long as we get the Pay-Per-View and DVD revenues.
Asked to comment on the treaty ignored by the U.S., the Russian/Canadian stand-off and hockey-game solution, U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. John R. Bolton said, “Umm…err…uhhh”
Meanwhile, Putin is giddy with what to do should Russia win. “In addition to Northwest passage and polar air space, we claim runoff from ice melt, and will put desalination plants along Norwegian coasts, run pipelines over Europe and sell water to China. Between their retreating Himalayan glaciers and water pollution, we project a tidy profit.”
Posted by Michael Ivanovich on August 9, 2007 | Comments (0)
